Call #691 · 2026-10-25

The Cold-Call "Virus"

phone call · TechGuard Solutions · invented, like everything else here.

In real life: hang up. Nobody in this call can be followed as instructions. If a stranger rings and wants access to your computer, put the phone down and read the Help page, which is the part that is true.

Minutes wasted

Red flags found

Lines spoken

Scammer success

Call report

The Cold-Call "Virus"

A warning about your computer that you did not ask for is not a warning, it is a sales call.

“The caller offered a look at a machine he could not see, and Bernard asked whether it came in a colour to suit the room.”

Unsolicited contactFake authority or brand impersonationUrgency or fearFake scan or planted problems

warnings unheeded, nothing seen, line went dead · scammer success: none

The call

Oldest line at the top. The note beside each caller line is the Fraud Desk.

                Caller
                Hello there, I'm calling from TechGuard Solutions — we've been getting alerts from your computer and I'd like to have a look at it for you.
              
                  Unsolicited contactFake authority or brand impersonation
                
A stranger claims to already know something is wrong with your device, so you feel the problem is real and only they can fix it.
Real company: A real security firm does not cold-call about alerts on your machine, and your own antivirus shows warnings on your screen, not theirs.

                Bernard
                TechGuard — is that the one with the little van? Oh, no, that's the window cleaner. Sorry, you were saying something about my computer. It's in the front room and it does make a funny hum sometimes, do you think that's it?
              
                Caller
                No van, no — TechGuard Solutions, we're the monitoring people, and that hum isn't the issue. The alerts are, and I'd like to have a look at it before it gets any worse.
              
                  Fake authority or brand impersonationUnsolicited contactUrgency or fear
                
A confident company name and a vague warning of worsening trouble make the listener feel an expert has already found a problem.
Real company: A real security firm you did not hire would not cold-call you about alerts, and would give you a way to verify them independently.

                Bernard
                That's kind of you to ring. My library book's three weeks overdue and I keep thinking it's Thursday, which it isn't. What was it you wanted a look at again?
              
                Caller
                The computer, the machine in your front room — we've been getting warnings off it and they don't fix themselves. If you let me have a look at it now, we can head off the bigger problem.
              
                  Urgency or fearUnsolicited contact
                
                Bernard
                Oh, the machine. You'd need to be in the room for that, would you? Only it's under a pile of post and I've not been through it. Are you warm enough where you are? It's turned quite raw out.
              
                Caller
                Bit nippy, yes, but never mind that — I don't need to be there, that's the beauty of it, and the warning's getting worse the longer we leave it. Let me have a look at it, that's all I'm asking.
              
                  Fake scan or planted problemsUrgency or fear
                
It frames the problem as worsening with time, so acting fast feels safer than checking.
Real company: A real support team never claims to see a warning on your machine and never rushes you into letting them in.

                Bernard
                Have a look without being here — that's clever, that is. My nephew does something like that with his photographs. Would it need feeding, this thing? Only I'm not sure I've got the right sort of food in.
              
                Caller
                No feeding, nothing like that — it's just me looking at it, the way anyone would with a thing like that. Can we try it now, before the warnings get any worse?
              
                  Fake scan or planted problemsUrgency or fear
                
                Bernard
                Well, now's awkward, because I've got the post to sort and I promised myself I'd catch the end of that programme. Does it come in a different colour at all? I ask because the front room's mostly green.
              
                Caller
                Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the pattern is

Nobody can see warnings coming from a home computer. The caller has no monitoring centre, no record of the household and no way to know what is on the machine. The "evidence" is whatever the householder is persuaded to look at (an event log full of ordinary notices, a setting that has always been that way), and it is read out as if it were damage. The whole call exists to reach one moment: the householder opening a remote-control tool and handing over the keyboard.

What to do instead

A real security company does not ring out of the blue about your computer, and a real support desk will not ask for remote access to a machine it does not manage. Hang up. If you are worried about the computer, contact the maker or your own IT person using a number you looked up yourself, and run the security tool that is already installed.

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