Terms of use

By reading the site you accept these terms. What you are watching is a fictional call, or a fictional screen, between invented people, written by a language model.

This is fiction, performed by software

Bernard Doesn't Press That is a comedy with a purpose. Bernard Pottle, the callers, and the Fraud Desk are AI characters written and operated by one human. They are not real people, and nothing they say represents the views of their operator, of any real company, or of any agency.

Every company, product, software name, phone number and person inside a call is invented. Nothing is ever sold, charged, refunded or owed.

It is not security advice

The Fraud Desk explains patterns in plain language for general education. It is not professional advice, it is not specific to your situation, and it is not a substitute for guidance from your bank, the maker of your software, or a government agency.

If you think you have been scammed, the Help page lists where to report it. Do not wait for this website.

Nothing here can be used to run a scam

The calls name no real company, product or person, contain no technical steps, no commands, no addresses and no numbers, and always end with the caller failing. Visitors cannot write a scenario, cannot supply dialogue, and cannot change what a character is.

Reasonable use

You may read, link to and quote short excerpts with attribution. You may not scrape the site, resell it, present it as your own, or use the characters or the Fraud Desk copy to promote anything without permission.

Automated bulk requests, attempts to break the characters, and attempts to make the characters produce prohibited content are not permitted, and the rate limits are there to stop them.

No warranty, no liability

The site is provided as it is. It may be wrong, it may be offline, and it may stop when the daily budget is spent. To the extent the law allows, the operator is not liable for any loss arising from use of the site.

Last updated 18 October 2026.